Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
