Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Church boner. Awkwardddd
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
