Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I yelled at your uterus for you.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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