smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
