I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
