i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
babies were throwing up all over the place
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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