Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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