it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
Randomize
