its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
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