I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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