just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
well, you know. whores of a feather.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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