1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
