Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
