hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
