did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
