There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
