I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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