Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This couple is walking their pig around campus
i think we sleep fucked last night...
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
