he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Randomize
