You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
