Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
