What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
