Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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