Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
