I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
