Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
someone get that fucking seahorse.
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
