at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
