How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
