haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
