what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
