you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
