That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
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