her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
