***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He's on the porch naked. Help.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
