I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
