ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
Randomize
