did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
