i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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