I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
