birth control should be required to get into college
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
