Non-Jews are for practice
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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