Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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