dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
