Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
