I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
