He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
