he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize
