Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
