I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Randomize
