Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
